The Otakudom of Haruhi Suzumiya
by C V Ford
Summary: The SOS (Slaves of Suzumiya) Brigade's going to marathon an anime series this weekend. Haruhis' selection is cause for some (LOTS OF!) concern.


The Otakudom of Haruhi Suzumiya  
by  
C V Ford

* * *

With the fate of the world hanging on the mental stability of Haruhi Suzumiya, it's logical to assume I would be up nights worrying myself to sleep. And at the beginning, that's the way it was.

All sorts of wild scenarios would stampede through my head. Everything from a cataclysmic Big Re-Bang to alternate worlds where Haruhi & the rest of us were no more than characters in a bad anime (Though doubtful that would happen!).

I guess one can get used to anything even THE END, & after several months of her reality altering antics, I've found I can actually drop off to sleep a little less stressfully than before. Until now ...

It was yesterday, Monday, the start of another school week which of course, I was eager to get into & tackle doing my very best (NOT!). In home room, Haruhi sat behind me uncharacteristically quiet, soft sighs to be heard.

Turning, I asked what might be troubling her.

"Oh ... Nothing ..."

"As in ..."

"That's just it ... No thing at all."

"I don't follow."

She looked straight at me, slight exasperation showing.

"I'm trying to think of something the SOS Brigade might do this weekend & I can't come up with anything."

Just fresh off from yesterday & already plot- ... er planning for something a few days hence. Or trying to. I was hoping for a quiet weekend at home with baseball on the screen.

"Why not take it easy?" I suggested.

Her frown got a little bigger.

"Kick back at home, relax ... Read a book, watch some TV or something. Besides, my parents'll be gone for the weekend & I need to stay at home & watch my sister."

"Kyon! ... It is not in the noble purpose of our beloved Brigade to stand still doing nothing," she proclaiming as if also to the world. "If you're not going forward, you're going backward ... Honestly, sometimes I think you ... But then ... Hmmmmm ..."

Seeing that determined grin forming did not bode well.

"What are you-"

"Just never you mind! ... For now."

"Har-"  
"Your exalted leader is coming up with a plan. As usual ... it's a good one. Bother me later!"

With that she pulled a notepad out of her satchel & proceeded to scrawl away. Turning back & sighing, I hoped it was something only semi-ominous & any fears I had unfounded. Futile ...

End of school day, last period history class over, I wended my way to the club room. With some relief I noted only Haruhi to be absent. Yuki soaking up a mandatory book & the other two making small talk over some of Miss Asahinas' tea.

Itsuke addressed me as I sat across from him at the main table.

"Any Idea as to what Miss Suzumiya might be cooking up? She was here 25 minutes ago going on about this weekend & left to get something."

"In spite of my unfortunate proximity to Miss Suzumiya, she doesn't tell me much of anything. Surely you should know that by now."

"And yet, when you're around her, she seems quite at ease. You'd think she'd confide in you more."

"The day she'd-"

"All right!"

Haruhi burst through the door cutting off our brief conversation. I had the queasy/sinking feeling our (HER!) plans for the days away weekend were at completion.

"O-Kay! Everybody! Listen up!" She sauntered over behind the computer desk, setting a couple of DVD cases on its surface. "Especially you ... Kyon!"

Uh Oh.

Nagato, blinking once, set down her book. The rest in not so rapt attention. Except Itsuke.

"Plans for this weekend, Saturday at least, are finalized. And we have four days to prepare."

And the plans would be ...

"Saturday. Starting noon to whenever ..."

Whenever? What's she got in mind that would last to whenever? Forever?

"The SOS Brigade's gonna marathon an anime!"

"Well Haruhi," I drew out my ace in the hole, "as you know, parents'll be out of town & I have to babysit my sister so I won't be able to attend & ..."

"And it'll be at Kyons'!"

So much for my ace ... of spades!

"Everything's figured to the last detail. As Kyons' parents don't drink it's BYOB though!

WHAT!?

"Just kidding! Geez Kyon! Show some enthusiasm for once!

"Anyway, I've already figured expenses to keep us & our guests in Pocky 'n Pizza for over 14 hours ... plus ..."

FOURTEEN HOURS!? ... Plus? How long is this anime & ... Guests!?

"It's good PR & we need to expand the club membership. So let's see ..."

"I really can't think of anyone myself."

With you Itsuke, that's understandable.

"Well ... there is Tsuraya-chan ..."

Though she's practically a member anyway. Still ... Excellent choice Miss Asahina! Those two ... Things starting to look up!

"What about those two friends of yours Kyon? You know ... The two guys who were on the ball team & helped us out with the movie?"

Kunikida? ... Taniguchi!? ... Wait a min-

"We never really did thank them for their help in the movie."

Itsuke! They're not interested in joining anyway. You're the one who scares them away!

"OK." Haruhi answered. "I guess the computer club members are also in. They're almost probationary members after all."

More like indentured servants.

"They can share expenses too."

I stand corrected. I'd forgotten. Like us ... They're in abject slavery!

Miss Asahina handed out several slips Haruhi'd given her .

"Here's a break down of expenses for each of us. This is without the computer club members being figured in. The amount's less if any will come."

Ah yes ... The wonders & beauties of extortion.

I was pleasantly surprised to see the costs evenly divided among us ... until I noticed my paying the odd sen more. No big deal but ... as the "party" was to be at my place ... Yup. Still paying ... A LOT!

"So it's to be an anime then," Koizume stated in that irritatingly pleasant manner I loathe so well. "What's the title?"

"Just came back from the school library with it," she said as she reached for the cases on the desk. " An older one I've never seen before. Heard about it, talked to people, read up on it but never got around to seeing it. Fans say it's a definite must see ... Even got the follow up movie with it too!"

My prepared semi-witty rejoinder of "It could be worse, it could be Pokemon", died a quick death in my throat as she held up the two disk cases.

She set the cases down as she got up from behind the flat screen. Walking past an also jaw gaping, aghast Itsuke, she whipped out her cel & stepped into the hall.

"I need to make a few calls on the refreshments & other things. Be right back."

Noting the looks on our faces, Mikuru glanced worredly, alternating between Itsuke & I. Nagato, on her part, moved to the comp desk, exchanging her book for the disk cases, one in each hand.

"Uh ... guys?

"This ... could ... be ... a ... problem ..."

Itsuke you idiot! Problem doesn't even begin to state the situation! Talk about understatment. Not even Armageddon, Ragnarok, End of the World ... it ...

"Uh ... guys?"

The sound of plastic hitting a desk surface hit our ears with a deathly hollow clatter. Our three faces turned in Nagatos' direction. She ... Staring straight ahead, eyes slightly wider than usual, figuratively boring holes in the wall.

"Uh ... guys?

"She ... must not-"

"Wait! Nagato? Did you view it just now?"

"Yes ... I did. She ..."

That must have been how she learned the computer clubs' Day of Sagittarius game.

"A viewing of the television series, even with the final off putting two episodes, would have little effect on Miss Suzumiya. This however ..."

She retrieved the dropped follow on film, staring at it again.

"Kind of like The King In Yellow."

That Itsuke could be confusing at times.

"A fictitious three act play central to a series of short stories by the American, Robert W. Chambers. The first two acts are rather mundane & innocuous. The third is said to drive the reader to insanity ... even suicide."

Nice allegory, but how does THAT help?

"Uh ... guys?"

"On seeing this film, she might inadvertantly implement-"

"There is a 97.34% chance she would have me do the implementation."

We turned again to Nagato. Yes ... That made some sense.

"Implement? ... Uh ... Hey!... guys!?"

"Yes Miss Asahina?" Itsuke finally aknowleged.

"It's just a TV show & a movie ... right? I mean ... we've watched stuff like this with Miss Suzumiya before haven't we? It didn't do anything to her then ... uh ... It's an anime ... Something like ... Sailor Moon?"

My dear, sweet, innocent, NAIVE Miss Asahina. Maybe they don't have anime where you're from in the future. Right now, that sounds like a good thing.

Itsuke & I glanced toward the clubroom door. We could hear Haruhi busily yakking away on her cel from WAY down the hall. The one-sided conversation didn't sound like it would end anytime soon. Said she had several calls to make ...

"Seems we have a little time before she gets back," Itsuke stating the obvious. "I think we should use it to get Miss Asahina up to speed."

"What ... I ..."

"Miss Asahina ... Mikuru-chan," I said in as calm a voice I could muster. "Please take a seat & prepare yourself. Hopefully we have enough time to fill you in on ... Evangelion."

* * *

Storyline (only) copyright © 1-11-2012 C V Ford

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, & events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of their products.


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